Day 26 Working At Redemption

I did not sleep well last night and I felt quite terrible in the morning...exhausted upon standing, and slightly tentative. Then, even after coffee and a decent breakfast...I began to feel slightly "tilted"...a little queasy in the head and stomach. I think it was too much of a shock to get up so early after a week's break and with little sleep. I wobbled off to work and discovered as I often do on gray and cold Mondays that my battle with food had only just begun.

I drank a lot of herbal tea, which soothed the stomach. I ate a significantly sized bowl of vegetables...as planned (see recent blog on vegetables)...and I gave in to some coffee in the afternoon. I did not overeat but my heart was not at all committed to food fidelity. Had someone placed a large bag of chips on my desk, it would have been demolished. I had a two hour meeting after school (a spanner in the works emotionally) and then headed home.

I said as I climbed the stairs, "I shall not count another blasted calorie today"...and I did not. I ate my 200 calorie sushi (but did not journal it)...then I headed for the New York rye bread and the pepperoni slices...nuff said. I had some milk and then found the large caramel latte candy bar waiting for me in the silverware drawer...where else would it be? I ate half of it and then thought about how I was beginning to feel...not sick, but certainly on the way if I did not stop...so I took a deep breath and stopped. I re-wrapped the candy bar and headed out for a walk...it took a lot of mental effort. I am a perfectionist...I seek the perfect calorie count for each day followed by the perfect exercise experience...I hate dragging my body along after having stuffed my face...forced redemption...I walked 90 minutes in a cold breeze so I suspect the damage was minimal...salvation does not come easily some days.