An Unhappy State

I am unhappy. Unhappy in a very specific area of my life. I have grappled with weight issues since I was ten years old. Thirty-five years is enough. I am done. I have watched "The Biggest Loser" and my soul shrank within me as people who weigh more than 500 pounds agreed to run, crawl, waddle, ride or swim insane distances. These are people who have never exercised. These are people who are very sick physically. It is a clear indictment of our culture that we are making ourselves sicker than sick with too much food and then we create shows where people act just as crazy, only in the opposite direction. I watched "Supersize Me" last week and gagged on the thought of going to McDonalds again, and yet a week later, I did.

I walk on a regular basis and enjoy it. I am never sick. The last time I took a sick day was never. My problem is not the exercise. My problem is the food and why I eat it. Why do I eat it? Why does anyone abuse any substance at all? Time to dig in and figure this stuff out. Thirty-five years is long enough. Thank God it was not 35 years of alcohol or drug abuse. There but for the grace of God go I...food is my drug of choice used as a substitute for the greater vices. No matter what the substitute, too much of anything in God's creation is just that...too much. I not in denial. I am in refusal and I wish to know why.

I will not tell the reader my weight as I start this process. It is countercultural to refuse to "bare all"..."tell all"..."expose all"... Things, people, processes and life itself are cheapened when things sacred are constantly exposed. The healthiest weight for my height is 150 pounds. I have a long way to go. I am not there. I will weigh tomorrow morning.

This blog requires me to be publically accountable. I am a fiercely private person but there is room in my life to be appropriately vulnerable and open. Perhaps others will feel that they can be vulnerable as well. This weight problem is national, relational, spiritual, personal, moral, and physical. I want readers to participate with me because I am not on this journey alone. This journey should be quiet and purposeful. The average person desires a journey of grace, privacy, options and success. Join me...quietly.