I felt awful this morning. I binged last night and I did it knowing I would pay the price. I did. Physically, I felt horrid. Mentally, I knew I would make it. I got back on the scale. My only goal is to hold this particular weight for three days until my birthday.
I controlled my eating, but my heart was not in it. I looked at my food journal around 12:30pm and wrote down..."stop eating". Writing down the words helped. I still felt sick. After work, I went and got my eyebrows done. I looked great and I felt much better. I then joined a good friend for dinner at a Thai restaurant...ate in a healthy manner. I realized I was being stared at by a very good looking man in the restaurant. I felt better...shallow, I know...but I felt better all the same. I came home and decided that I did not need to eat anymore. How I am driven back and forth by my emotions...
I am settling down for the evening. Little by little, I am pulling myself back together again. I did not binge today. Tomorrow, I will get my hair done. Saturday morning, I will get a manicure/pedicure. Sunday is my birthday and I start over with a wonderful dinner party and a new milestone. It is good to come home. It is healing to know oneself. I have great hope for this new year.
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