Experienced a powerful revelation this afternoon. It hit me suddenly like a flying brick...my life is not on hold, nor has it ever been on hold. I have waited to take care of myself based on the beginning of the month, the New Year, my birthday, how I felt, how I thought others felt, the exact number of days until...the next party, the next relationship, the next purchase, the next...the next...the next...instead of the now, the now, the now.
This week has been an incredible watershed week for me. I have decided not to isolate myself anymore. I will work diligently to have positive social interaction on a daily basis. My introverted personality, like everyone's personality needs to be reformed, to be matured, newly shaped...just like eating habits.
While I wait for new steps in my life, I will enjoy the life I have today. This seems so very very basic, and yet there is a freedom here which has been missing in my life for a very long time.
It seems to be about letting go of my death grip on life...letting go of my teeth-gritting effort to take control. Somewhere, years ago in my life, I lost control or sensed that control was being taken from me and I have been grasping for it ever since. I released the white-knuckled hold today and life is flowing through me in a new way...
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