Day 22 Enough!

Enough already...enough of starting the morning out with an ungrateful and grumpy attitude. Enough of thinking that food will solve anything...enough of falling for that lie again. In the last couple of weeks, due to a number of issues...I have once again fooled myself into thinking that food will solve the pain...I have wanted to hide away so many times...to shut down and move back into myself...but that is no way to live. What has drawn me out again and again?...hope...hopes which are unpoken, or only admitted to a discreet few...hoping for hope...increased intimacy with serious praying friends, walking for 2 hours at a stretch...reaching out to children in great need...despite not wanting to (truth be told)...and experiencing the sick feeling when I have overdone it and the gut wrenching body "ping"...knowing again that the chosen drug has failed me. It will always fail me because anything that is given such status is out of wack...nothing material like food can ever reach the deepest corners of my insides...food is just a blanket of bread and salt. Enough.