I read a great quote from the author C.S. Lewis..."Virtue-even virtue attempted, brings light: indulgence brings fog"...that resonates strongly with my emotions toward food. When I fast, (and not only for virtue's sake)...everything is clearer for me. My emotions shake off dusty and twisted thinking. My body sheds "stuff" including negative cell memory...backed up and un-processed feelings, old wounds and hurts, fears and anxieties...I have extra and intense energy to plough through another day of life. I just feel more "on my game".
Indulgence...well, that is quite another story. When I overeat, it is as if I have been given a dose of ether. I am "bottom heavy" with the inner walls of my being pressing out in discomfort. My head hurts. My skin is more sensitive. Most importantly, my emotions, the insides of my head are fuzzy and sad. It is similar to having a heavy anchor attached to my body...inter-twisting the chain up and around my spine...yanking at my mind like a raw kite string. Indulgence not only brings fog, it cripples me.
So many circumstances now work in my favor...the weather is beautiful, I have a lot of extra time, it is lighter much later into the evening and new friendships bring hope to my heart. But there is always a sense of lingering...the fear that I can lose it again and slide back into indulgence...just today, for another hour, for another day...I resist the fog and embrace virtue.
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