A beautiful day with a wonderful improvement in the weather. I decided to declare a "non" day...too much interaction and human connection (mostly good, by the way) over the course of the past week. I broke the day down into 30 minute chunks...30 minutes of walking, 30 minutes of reading, 30 minutes of a film, 30 minutes of walking again...I let go of humanity's chaos and buzzing and in a small way, regained control of my own humanity.
I let go of multi-tasking in order to be able to regain my inner life. I let go of figuring everything out in order to be more fully a woman. I let God show me today, hour by hour how to be who I was really created to be...not what people, institutions, expectations and culture told me I was. There was no anxiety with this approach. It meant that my home was not perfectly cleaned. It meant that I did not do all the walking I was going to do today...but I was calm enough to do more than half of it...simply because my mind was not spinning. I took time to write notes to my nieces and nephew. I took time to take a phone call from a trust-worthy friend. I took time to bake cookies for a friend's mother...I did control my food and calories..but only because my mind was at peace. Another week begins and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I need to pray for mental and emotional protection from the negative people at work. I have to change and I change by distancing myself from those who will not or cannot change and I change by going forward in the manner and grace that I have learned is my vocation. It is not about counting every last blasted calorie...it is really about growing more and more into the person that I am meant to be. See the larger picture...discard the minutia unless it is sacred, profound and healing.
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