Day 12 Relinquishing Control

In order to give up control, I have to make a list. Yes, I understand the irony in that statement. I have to make a list of all the things that I am no longer going to try to control! I cannot control anyone, or anything for that matter. Any "control" that I seem to have is a simple gift of grace linked with a delicate strand of expectation. Yes, expectation because I have been given an opportunity at a particular point in time to do something that is good, healthy, edifying, beautiful, helpful and in someway, blessed and established...in this world and in the next. Even if I do not see the results this side of Heaven, I know I am to act on the grace that has been granted me. I know I need to do something with the opportunity.

I am at a point in my life right now where I have all the opportunity I need to finally be successful at weight loss. I have stripped my schedule to the bare minimum, so I have no excuse not to exercise. I have severed ties (or at least placed strict boundaries around) people who drag me down. I have searched my heart and brain for places which need healing. I am learning patience, and shall learn this until the day I die. I am listening more and talking less. I am doing more (about weight loss) and talking less about it. I am fasting weekly and finding it amazingly satisfying.

I used to set impossible goals for myself and found myself all wrapped up in the minutia...losing sight of the bigger picture...and thus, inevitably failing. Those days of minutia are slowly fading...thank God. There will be days when I eat my way through an entire bag of nachos...but those days have become fewer and farther between...by letting go, I am regaining the control I always sought. There may even come a day when I no longer live with a list in one hand and a pen in another...and yet...