Yet another gray May day...truly, one puzzles about the weather in upstate New York! And yet, daily life must go on. I am hanging in there at a 33 pound loss and I keep reminding myself of that fact. It really is amazing. I really do feel good...really...but I am bogged down by a little jab of PMS...the school year drags on and on...and I did not sleep well last night. I may go home after work and take a nap...no apologies, no repentance, no guilt trip, no backward glances. I have come a long way this year. A solid 33 pound loss is nothing to sneeze at, but it goes deeper than that. I am changing emotionally, spiritually and relationally. Those successes are harder to grasp, to comprehend, to make one's own...they are more ethereal...dainty and delicate and vulnerable. They require protection.
Notes of joy...shoes which did not fit before due to (dare I say it, fat!) now fit. It is somewhat humiliating to discover that even one's feet can get fat...I now claim several "new" pairs of summer shoes which I could not wear before...joy. My pants wardrobe is gradually expanding (not in the waist, thank you) because more things fit and it has been a long, long time since any pair wore out at the inner thigh area due to (dare I admit it, fat!)...more pants...joy in the morning. I have not been down, really down...(in my head, that is) for months...looking forward to each new day...joy in the morning...literally. Gray remains gruesome but hope is yellow and green.
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