Day 18 Shying Away From Success

As I was strolling down the hallway this afternoon, a workmate slid up next to me and said, "You are looking so good!" She followed up this comment with a question. "Are you doing something special...are you on some kind of plan?" Most people would be overjoyed in this moment of receiving such a compliment. For a split second, I was pleased. It always feels good to have someone notice one's efforts. However, in the seconds that followed, I realized something about myself all over again. I am an intensely private person. I want the success but I do not really want to talk about it. To take all my private moments, struggles, anxieties and discouragements about the area of weight loss and to quickly sum them up in a 10 second synopsis is profoundly unsettling. It rattles something in my spirit. I used to withdraw from other people to save myself these moments of social panic. I used to blame other people for being too intrusive. Now I know that most people are well-intentioned...not all, but most. Most people enjoy seeing someone succeed in a difficult area...not all, but most. I can safely assume that most of the people I work and play with are well-intentioned. I still remain intensely private and my radar is always up for people who do not have my best interests at heart. I am still honing my ability to catch the subtle difference between those who care and those who are just curious. But I realize that as I continue to lose weight, people are going to comment. I have to expect that and I have to get settled in my spirit and my new skin as I receive the compliments. And at this moment...I will let the anxiety resolve itself by taking a very long and delicious walk. I have eaten a moderate meal...imbibed a cup of fresh coffee...thought about things...and now I am ready to move again...