Awoke this morning in absolute dread of going to work. I love my job but the noise level there is unbearable at times. I share a workspace with five other well meaning adults...all of whom bring their lives into that little cramped space. The hallways are filled with noisy students and equally noisy adults. In the middle of March, everyone is at various levels of burnout. We all suffer from a lack of quiet reflection.
I am going to attempt today to limit my speech. I have to be polite and I have to do my job but I do not have to engage in a large amount of extraneous chit chat which drains the energy out of me. It is almost Spring and I want to sit in shades of quiet bending blues and sunshine and contemplate what was in the winter and what is to come in the new and green fresh season.
I failed to truly honor the Sabbath yesterday. I was raised in a religious tradition which calls us to take one day a week to truly rest. This is an excellent idea. I am amazed how difficult it is to accomplish rest. Instead of resting, I spent time at the mall...baked two loaves of bread for friends...baked cookies for students...did my workout...talked on the phone...walked...drove...and in general, failed to shut things down for a 24 hour period. I can not eat my way out of this stress. I can not drink my way out of this stress. The only way out of this stress it to refuse to participate in the stress. I believe I have divine permission, and in fact an obligation to extricate myself from the pressure. It is profoundly counter-cultural...very un-American to say "no" to all these expectations. I will not fail to honor the Sabbath again. I held things together for one Sunday. I did not overeat. I can not guarantee that I could withstand the pressure again.
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